The Loner in me

Diary, Mental Health

My housemate said he was worried about me because I spend time on my own ‘moping’.
It got me thinking, I’m not moping, I don’t mind spending time by myself, is that so wrong?
I’d rather sit in the comfort of my home being creative than be a non drinking, non participant whilst my colleagues get drunk. I don’t find that entertaining.
I’ll be out during the day, which is my time to see friends and do the things that interest me, but generally I’m not an evening person anymore. Pubs bore me, getting drunk doesn’t interest me, I’d rather go out for a meal or watch a film with my friends. Is it so bad I don’t want to do that every day?
I feel tired and guilty that I don’t do enough, but when I do take time out, I now feel guilty that I should be sharing it with other people.
It’s hard to explain, but I don’t mind my own company. It doesn’t mean I don’t like being around people, I just prefer people who enjoy the same things as me, which doesn’t involve getting drunk. And that’s the biggest thing. I used to be the kind of person who’d drink everyday and hardly sleep. It’s not constructive, and I was going nowhere when I was that person, I had less real friends, and no direction. I decided to change myself, and I now have really good friends who I spend quality time with, and the acquaintances who I’d get drunk with are no more. I’m happier in that respect.
I’m not moping, I guess I’m one part loner, and it’s my choice if I want to spend it by myself. I’m not lonely, I just prefer to be by myself sometimes. It’s taken me time to realise this, that I’m not strange or weird, it’s just who I am.

Field Guide to the Loner